Struggling as a Mother

I am sure it has always been hard to be a mother and feel like you are doing a good job raising these beautiful gifts that God has entrusted in your hands.....but I feel it is extra hard in today's world with today's technology and social media.  How can I not compare my children with the 456 friend's children on Facebook??  How can I not compare my skills and abilities to the 200+ pin's on Pinterest I looked at last week??  I am consistently being told that I'm not good enough (Satan's lies) because I don't home school, my kids eat Sonic a couple times a month, I don't make them homemade play dough (or even buy store bought play dough for that matter), I use the TV as a babysitter sometimes (when I'm home of course), my house is not spotless & organized, and the list goes on and on.

Even with all these things to compare myself and my children to, I feel like I've been doing pretty good....until this year.  Garrett & Haylee have met all their milestones and have been at least (if not above) average in most skills.  They learned their ABC's early, knew how to count, could recite little poems and songs they learned in school and were social & happy little children.  

Then God gave me this beautiful little angel that I so desperately wanted to complete our family!!  She took a little more time coming around than Garrett and Haylee did.  Several of my friends had babies around the same time she was born and as I saw their babies doing things she was not, it made me worry a little (there goes the comparing).  Babies were smiling, pushing up on their tummies, sitting up, rolling over, crawling, etc.....  I tried so hard not to let that bother me.  I'd remind myself all babies are different and there is a wide range of "normal".  Natalee was 3 weeks early, we moved when she was 4 weeks old and she came down with whooping cough at 6 weeks...she had a rough start.  As time went on she slowly developed and got stronger.  She smiles, giggles and laughs ALL the time.  She supports her head well and finally rolls over (when she wants to) but there is still so much weakness that made me worry.  Everyone kept assuring she was fine.  "She is tiny." "Every baby is different." "She's laid back." I tried not to worry but after her visit with the pediatrician my instincts were right....she is a little behind and as my training as a pediatric nurse would say...early intervention is key!!

After a through visit with the physical therapist and pediatrician we were told our beautiful little seven month old seemed to be cognitively sound but physically and muscularly of a 0-3 month old (with some areas in a 3-6 month old).  Because early intervention is key it was recommended that Natalee start physical therapy 3 days a week to strength those little muscles.  The physical therapist believes she will be fully caught up by 18 months.  Thank GOD it is easily "fixable" (not a great word but could not come up with one that works better) and everything else seems to be doing fine!!  She will meet with an occupational therapist and speech therapist in mid-January to make sure everything else is on track but we believe it will all be fine.

Even though I am over joyed she is ok and will be successful and strong very soon I keep going back to the comparisons and feelings of shame as a mother.  What did I do to cause my child to be weak??  I did not eat like I should have or exercised well when I was pregnant.  I did not do tummy time or work with her enough when she was littler.  And the one I keep going back to is I forced her to come too early.  MY life was full of stress and I chose that instead of her well being!!  If I would have just relaxed and not had the dr's strip my membranes which caused my water to break which caused them to have to start pitocin then maybe she would have been a little stronger today.  But I did....and she is healthy and we do not know if that had ANYTHING to do what is happening now.  Satan loves to feed us lies and wants us to hurt.  I will know the truth and the truth will set me free!!  John 8:32

God gave me three beautiful but different children.  They are all so wonderful and so great!!  We do not understand or know why Natalee's muscles are weaker than they should be but I will trust in God and trust His perfect plan for her life.  I will thank Him EVERYDAY that she is healthy and happy and everything else is developing well.  I will pray that she will get stronger everyday and soon this will be a distant memory. 

"For I know the plans I have for  you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11  

Here is our beautiful seven month old baby!!  She is happy and easy.  This month she started getting excited when I walk into the room.  She also LOVES her sissy, brother, & Daddy.  She LOVES to eat real food!!  She learned to pick up food and bring it to her mouth and also rolled over the 1st time this month!!  We are working hard on sitting up and she is doing well when supported.  She loves the outdoors.  She sleeps 11 hrs at night, wakes up to eat and goes right back to sleep for another 2 hrs.  She weighs about 14lbs and is about 26in long.